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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23060413">You’re the only one for me, you’re the only one I want.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/smariee/pseuds/smariee'>smariee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (2017), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), Prom, Promposal, bev ships them hard, they are in love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 07:15:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,879</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23060413</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/smariee/pseuds/smariee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>With senior year rapidly coming to an end Eddie Kaspbrak has one thing on his bucket list; tell Richie Tozier that he loves him. </p><p>Richie Tozier has one thing he wants to achieve before he officially graduates high school; kiss Eddie Kaspbrak. </p><p>(Or; Richie proposes to Eddie in the middle of their high school cafeteria, and Eddie says yes.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>172</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You’re the only one for me, you’re the only one I want.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this was only meant to be a quick little fic but I couldn't stop writing because I'm obsessed with these two idiots and the way they love each other. This isn't exactly set in the same universe with Pennywise but I included some vague references that hint at the losers experiencing something traumatic around that same age. Hope you enjoy :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The losers were huddled around Bill’s new PlayStation, everyone silent, the new toy rendering them speechless as Bill unpacked each part and placed it on the table in front of them.</p><p> </p><p>Richie, of course, was the first one to say anything, “Wow Billy, I mean would ya look at this thing.”</p><p> </p><p>Bill grinned at him, smile full of teeth and obvious happiness, “I-it’s brilliant, I know.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie gasped dramatically, “Brilliant? brilliant!” Richie clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Brilliant is not a good enough word to describe the absolute magic that this beauty encompasses. God, <em>brilliant</em>.” He practically spat out the last word and Eddie couldn’t help but let out a small giggle.</p><p> </p><p>Richie glanced over at Eddie, flashing a smug sort of smile, and Eddie spoke up before he could concentrate too much on the heat rising to his cheeks. “So what games you got?”</p><p> </p><p>Bill’s face lit up even further than it already had, “Th-there’s so many. You have n-no idea.” He scrambled through the plastic bag that was next to the now disregarded PlayStation box until he pulled out two certain cases. “H-here, w-we can play street fighter or f-fi-final fantasy?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie grinned as he reached for the street fighter case, eager to see how the game would play out on a TV, but of course, there was one loser slightly more interested in it than Eddie himself.</p><p> </p><p>Richie snatched the case before Eddie could so much as get a fingertip on the case, “Wow, would you look at that.” Richie exclaimed almost breathlessly, “You’ve got all the classics, hey Billy?”</p><p> </p><p>Bill looked up from plugging in the PlayStation, “S-sure do, Rich.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie leaned back on the couch to watch as Richie excitedly started the game, smiling softly to himself, before the taller boy turned around locking eyes directly with Eddie and tossing him a remote.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re up, Eds.” Richie dumped himself down next Eddie, practically on top of him.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s Bill’s game, Richie.” Stanley said, from perched on an armrest of the couch.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I think he should have the first go.” Eddie agreed, voice rather small as he offered the remote to Bill.</p><p> </p><p>Bill simply shook his head, and offered a lopsided small smile, “It’s fine, Eddie,” he paused and pointed a measly finger at him, “as long as you kick his ass.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie snorted causing Eddie to frown at him, “Please, as if spaghetti here could ever beat me. This is <em>my</em> game.” </p><p> </p><p>“Technically,” Bev dragged out, “it’s actually Bill’s here game.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie smiled and leaned back into the couch. He could feel Richie’s arm brushing against his own and he struggled to keep his breathing normal. His entire body was tingling and he felt hot all over, but that was fine.</p><p> </p><p><em>That’s fine.</em> Eddie repeated to himself, <em>it’s just hot in here, this is normal. </em></p><p> </p><p>Still, Eddie shoved Richie off his body, if only just so he could breathe properly again and hissed, “It doesn’t matter who owns the game, I’m going to win it.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie snuck a glance at Richie, quickly, just to see how Richie would react to his statement but not long enough that it would count as actually looking at the other boy, and to his delight, Richie was smiling to himself, so Eddie looked back to the TV. “Sure ya will Eds,” Richie chimed, “exactly how many video games have you beaten me in?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie could just sense the smile on Richie’s lips grow and now he did look at Richie, who was grinning full-on and raising an eyebrow as if he’d already won the game. Eddie didn’t have a retort, or perhaps he did but he wasn’t bothered to say it when every single other loser was just sitting and waiting for the game to begin, so instead he just stuck his tongue out and stubbornly turned his head around, but all that did was launch Richie into a fit of laughter and Eddie’s stomach churned. “Can we just start the game, asshat.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie was still laughing a bit when the opening screen came up, “Bill, you wanna give Eddie some pointers maybe.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie tried to take his chance while Richie was semi-distracted, too caught up in his own ego to possibly be paying full attention to the game and all the buttons on his remote, at least that’s what Eddie expected but he should’ve known better by now. Richie could pay the same amount of attention to the game while he made sarcastic comments as Eddie could while focusing solely on the game, which is why he failed at attacking Richie’s character and instead ended up face down on the ground-rather how his character ended up face down on the ground but it may as well have been Eddie. It didn’t take much longer for Richie to completely destroy his character, Bill did try to give him a couple of pointers towards the end which helped a little but there was nothing that was going to make Eddie beat Richie at this game. After all, it was Richie’s game, the boy had spent at least five years of his life playing it in the arcade every weekend and every summer, he was so good at it that not even a confusing new remote was going to stop him from completely owning Eddie.</p><p> </p><p>The words GAME OVER appeared on screen after what felt like 30 seconds and Eddie stomped his foot on the ground.</p><p> </p><p>Richie on the other hand, was clearly ecstatic, launching himself off the couch and raising his arms to the roof, “And the crowd goes wild!”</p><p> </p><p>And the crowd did go wild, the rest of the losers clapping and cheering for Richie, Stan high fiving him and praising, “Who better to win the first game of street fighter than the legendary Mr Tozier!”</p><p> </p><p>“I have to agree with you there Stanley.” Richie turned to Eddie, leaning down and flashing a smile, “Come on Eds, gimme a smile.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie was looking directly at him, big stupid brown eyes bearing into his own and that even bigger and more stupid grin lighting up his entire fucking face. Eddie didn’t want to look at him, could barely hold eye contact with him and he guessed Richie caught onto that because not a second later he grabbed Eddie’s knees with his hands. Now <em>that</em> got Eddie’s attention brilliantly, his eyes locking in on Richie, whole body going instantly still, along with his heart. Richie leaned in slightly, head tilting towards one side, “Smile for me Eddie,” He began to bat his eyelashes at Eddie, pouting, “please?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie cracked a smile, small and tight-lipped but still very clear, “Happy now, Rich?”</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely ecstatic my boy.” Richie pushed up off Eddie’s knees and proceeded to clap his hands together, twisting around to their group of friends. Eddie sighed in relief and shuffled into the corner of the couch, bringing his knees towards his chest, something he did often when he was nervous or scared. It made him feel protected and in control, which was ironic, he thought, considering it was actually a very vulnerable position to be in and not at all practical to fight or run. Richie gestured towards the losers, “Who’s up next?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe someone should verse the reigning champion, see if he really is the best at the game.” Eddie smirked at the comment Ben made, he knew as hard as any of them tried there was no way any one of them was going to come close to beating Richie at street fighter, if Eddie couldn’t, no one could. Maybe, eventually, Bill would be able to beat him considering he would get more practice and experience on the PlayStation, but for now, Richie would remain the reigning champion.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie checked his watch, it was already 6 and he’d promised his mum that he’d be home by now, “Uh, I gotta get going guys, mom wants me home early, before it gets too dark.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie turned back to face him and frowned, “Eds, you’re almost 18, tell her you’ll be home later.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie rolled his eyes, “Yeah sure thing, cause we all know exactly how that would go down.” He spat out, not even bothering to hide the venom behind the statement.</p><p> </p><p>Richie’s eyes softened slightly, his shoulders slouching, “Okay, then I’ll walk you home.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie wanted to refuse, wanted to tell him it was fine and that he could walk himself home, which he very much could, wanted to say ‘No, Rich. Stay here and have fun. I’ll see you tomorrow.’ Wanted desperately to not want Richie to walk him home, but he said nothing.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, he got up slowly and grabbed his jacket, “I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Thanks for showing me the game, Bill, it’s really cool.”</p><p> </p><p>They all smiled, Bev giving him a tight hug, “See ya, Eds. Richie, make sure he gets home safe.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie smiled back at her, before following Richie out the door.</p><p> </p><p>The sun was setting now, the clouds low and stunningly pink and there was a cool subtle breeze promising the near return of fall. Eddie kicked the loose gravel as they walked, hands shoved deep into his pockets, forcing the jacket close to his stomach.</p><p> </p><p>“You know you almost had me there.” Richie almost whispered, quiet enough that Eddie wasn’t entirely sure he’d even heard him correctly, which is the only reason Eddie looked at him.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“You almost had me there,” He said it louder and clearer this time but Eddie still didn’t quite understand what he meant, “in street fighter.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie snorted instantly, rolling his eyes, “Don’t give me that bullshit, I don’t need your sympathy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, I’m serious.” Richie’s voice had picked up, back to it’s normal loud, boastful and ever joking self, “You’ve got some moves, I actually had to put some effort in. Which is not a common occurrence for me when it comes to street fighter might I add.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie could feel himself smiling, his cheeks pushing against the bottom of his eyelids, a wide and toothy grin, the kind of smile he knew that only one person could pry out of him, “Right, well let’s not forget who my teacher was.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, of course!” Richie exclaimed, jumping in front of Eddie and bowing down magnificently, “Where would you be without me indeed?”</p><p> </p><p>“Less annoyed, mostly.” Eddie hummed and for once Richie went quiet, his face going blank of emotions and he fell back to Eddie’s side.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie was worried, but he hadn’t said anything that would bother Richie, at least he didn’t think he had. He’d said much harsher things to Richie before, all in a joking manner and Richie had said things to Eddie as well, things that sometimes struck Eddie’s heart and made him want to grimace, but he never did because he knew Richie was joking, and Richie knew the same. Eddie didn’t quite know how to break the silence, unsure of what to say that would make Richie feel better or get him to start talking again, so the two boys walked in silence. Eddie soaked in the fresh air, it helped to clear his thoughts, he likened it to washing his hands, the water and soap cleaning all the dirt and germs that were present and leaving his skin soft and fresh and sweet-smelling, that’s what it felt like when he breathed in really deeply through his nose, it cleansed his brain and cleared his thoughts leaving them nice and fresh.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t until they turned the very last corner and Eddie’s house came into view that either of them said anything, and by that point, they both spoke up at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie blurted out an apology even though it didn’t make much sense, “I’m sorry for what I said.”</p><p> </p><p>And Richie said something that almost knocked Eddie off his feet, “Come to prom with me.”</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t even a question.</p><p> </p><p>But no, no that could not have been what Richie had said. Eddie wracked his brain for any other logical sentence that could have been said from those sound and came up completely blank.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, why are you sorry?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie turned his head to Richie, blinking furiously, “I-I thought you were mad at what I said earlier.” He stammered, “About being annoyed, or less annoyed.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie shook his head, chocolate curls bouncing from side to side a little and smiled slightly, “No, no, don’t worry about that. That didn’t bother me at all.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie just nodded hesitantly, his brain still trying to figure out what the hell Richie had said and how he was supposed to answer or even react.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh anyway,” Richie paused and Eddie looked away because he didn’t want his face to betray him and show something that he couldn’t take back. “Would you come to prom with me? Ben already asked Bev, Bill is asking that Louise girl, Stan is asking some chick named Gemma, I think, and I mean I’m not sure what Mike is doing but he’ll probably find someone eventually.”</p><p> </p><p>He was rambling. Eddie wasn’t sure what to make of it, Richie did ramble sometimes, sure, but never like this, never nervous and unsure. Like he was trying to justify the statement he’d just made, it was something that Richie simply never did. He said what he said and that was it. That made it harder for Eddie to understand and consider what Richie had asked, if he’d just asked Eddie to go to prom with him, Eddie’s answer would’ve been yes immediately.</p><p> </p><p>That’s what he liked to think, at least, he wouldn’t know.</p><p> </p><p>The way that Richie had asked it though, with so many reasons behind it, was making Eddie confused.</p><p> </p><p>“Eddie?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm?” Eddie looked up to see Richie standing a few feet ahead of him, looking back at him with a mask of concern.</p><p> </p><p>“You stopped walking.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry.” Eddie mumbled and slowly took a step forward.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you alright? You don’t have to, if you don’t want to, I just thought ya know, fuck prom or like a friends prom or, or, or whatever but it’s fine. If you don’t wanna,  worry about it. Forget I said anything.” Richie’s words were running over each other, his eyes darting in every direction, avoiding Eddie’s gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“No!” Eddie burst, sounding almost like a screech to his own ears. He cleared his throat and tried again, “No, I do. Want to, go. With you.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Fuck. Yeah real smooth.</em> Eddie regretted the words the instant he shut his mouth. <em>Should’ve just said yes. </em></p><p> </p><p>But Richie grinned wickedly at Eddie, eyes lighting up entirely, he took a breath before answering and some of the excitement seemed to drain away. “Okay cool, we can wear matching suits. I’m thinking just all one colour, maybe lilac or orange. Possibly hot pink. I shall let you know.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie rolled his eyes, “You’re making me regret my decision. We’re not doing that.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie didn’t even falter slightly at the comment, “We shall discuss this tomorrow, my boy. I guarantee I <em>will</em> change your mind or your money back!”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie opened his door and didn’t bother looking back at Richie as he wished him a good night.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Eds,”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie was walking to class with Mike by his side, talking about some book that Mike thought Eddie ‘just had to read,’ but Eddie couldn’t remember the title. His thoughts were too preoccupied with a dumb, curly-haired, glasses-wearing asshole.</p><p> </p><p>“Eds,”</p><p> </p><p>He’d barely slept the night before, kept going over his answer, the stupid words that had come out of his mouth and he wished he’d said something wittier, given a better response.</p><p> </p><p>“Eds!” The voice caught up to him, a hand grabbing his shoulder and pulling him back.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie knew who it was before he saw the face, he’d recognize that voice in any situation, under any circumstances, “What’s up, Rich?”</p><p> </p><p>The boy was walking backwards, a mischievous grin pulling at the corners of his lips, “What you got third period?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie frowned, “Uh, history. Why?”</p><p> </p><p>Richie’s smile seemed to grow even wilder and Eddie’s frown grew deeper, a wild smile from Richie was rarely ever a good thing, especially for Eddie.</p><p> </p><p>“Ditch it.” He ran off, yelling, “Meet me in the cafeteria.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wha-?” Eddie flicked his eyes around, checking to see if anyone had heard the interaction and was anywhere near as confused as he was, but all he found was Mike smirking a little to himself. “What was that about? Do you know something?”</p><p> </p><p>Mike lifted his hands in defense, “No man, I don’t know nothin’ but I can’t wait to see what Richie’s got planned, can’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>The answer to that was, obviously, of course not. Eddie was always curious as to what the fuck was going on in Richie Tozier’s mind, so of course, he was more than excited to see what Richie had planned. It made him kind of nervous to know that Richie needed and <em>wanted</em> him there, but he’d never admit that. Instead, he shrugged, “Well, he didn’t tell you to meet him in the cafeteria.”</p><p> </p><p>Mike let out a low laugh, “You’ve got a point there, guess you’ll just have to tell me what happens.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie hid his grin, afraid of what it might mean if Mike, or anyone, saw just how happy he was to be the one Richie wanted to see.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie spent the whole morning thinking about Richie, wondering what exactly he was meeting him for in the cafeteria. Why the cafeteria? Why’d he have to ditch third period? He liked history, kind of. Then again, he figured, he liked Richie a hell of a lot more than he liked history. It wouldn’t have mattered though, Richie could have asked him to skip anything, or simply do anything and he would’ve done exactly that. He’d never know how to tell anyone that, though, so he tried to occupy his thoughts with something else, anything other than Richie Tozier. It was a useless effort, no matter how far he stretched his thoughts, they always wandered back to the boy with chocolate hair and glasses that were constantly slipping down the slope of his nose.</p><p> </p><p>Third period did eventually roll around, despite Eddie feeling like it may never come. By then, Eddie was pretty sure he might throw up or burst with excitement, so he tried to focus real hard on his breathing and the pace at which he was walking as he made his way to the cafeteria. That’s probably why he didn’t notice that someone had snuck behind him until suddenly his vision went blank and there were two rather feminine hands over his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, we’re gonna walk slow, one step at a time,” It was Bev’s sweet voice that was directing him, “one foot in front of the other.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie rolled his eyes, not that anyone could see it, “I know how to walk, Bev.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, then I won’t tell you about the pole you’re about to walk into.” She retorted and Eddie could never tell with Bev when she was being totally sarcastic or completely serious. He stopped walking, just in case, and Bev started laughing. “There’s no pole, Eddie, don’t worry.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie took a step forward, one foot in front of the other until Bev told him to, “Stop. Close your eyes. You’ll know when to open them.”</p><p> </p><p>Which Eddie was pretty sure he wouldn’t but he decided not to say anything, and when he felt Bev’s hands slip from his eyes, he squeezed them shut.</p><p> </p><p>It was silent for barely a second before Elton John began singing ‘Can you feel the love tonight?’ through some metallic sounding speakers. Eddie figured this had to be what Bev was talking about when she told him that he’d just know when to open his eyes, and so he opened his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>There were petals, everywhere.</p><p> </p><p>They weren’t red, no no, these petals were <em>hot</em> pink and they covered the entire cafeteria floor and even some of the tables as if they had poured from the ceiling like confetti at the end of a concert. The petals seemed to form a path, messy and not awfully clear, but still there did seem to be some kind of a path, that led to-</p><p> </p><p>Richie Tozier in a fucking hot pink suit.</p><p> </p><p>“Richie what the fu-“</p><p> </p><p>Richie shushed him, swinging a microphone in front of his lips, “Hush my boy, I have a song for you.” The boy pointed dramatically somewhere off to the side, “Hit it.”</p><p> </p><p>Salt-N-Peppa’s ‘Whatta Man’ came blasting through the speakers, and Richie was suddenly pointing one of those stupidly long fingers right at Eddie, “What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie rolled his eyes, not entirely sure what else to do. His heart was racing, he could feel it throughout his entire body, the pounding reaching his head and sending tingles to his fingertips. He felt awkward and hot, unsure of how to stand or where to look.</p><p> </p><p>“You so crazy, I think I wanna have your baby,” Richie started dancing his way towards Eddie, “What a man, what a man, what a man,” He stopped barely a foot away, “What a mighty good man.” Richie finished the rendition off with a wink and knelt down. The music cut off and Richie pulled a small box from his pockets, “For you, my love.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie was more than sure his heart stopped working and tried desperately to halt the shaking of his hands as he took the box and opened it.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s for when I take your breath away at prom.” Richie grinned wickedly.</p><p> </p><p>It was an aspirator.</p><p> </p><p>A fucking aspirator, staring up at Eddie, “You dick!” He threw the box down at Richie, “You know I don’t actually have asthma, fuck you.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie just laughed, “Eds, come on, it’s a joke.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie dumped himself on one of the cafeteria benches and scoffed, “Well, ha-ha, so funny.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie’s grin faltered slightly, he made his way over to Eddie, “It’s a prom proposal, Bill told me about ‘em. Said they’re gettin’ real popular.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie smiled softly, “Prom proposal?”</p><p> </p><p>He’d heard of them, people doing some big grand gesture to ask someone to prom. They were cheesy as shit, but kind of cute.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, ya know,” Richie’s grin reappeared, wide and toothy, and he batted his eyelashes at him and putting on a sweet voice. “Big performance asking for your hand in this magical high school dance?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s cheeks were hot, too hot for him to keep looking into Richie’s eyes, a deep enough brown that sometimes Eddie thought they never ended, that if he looked long enough he would simply sink into those eyes. He had to look away, terrified of the words that would slip from his lips if he didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“You already asked me to prom, dumbass.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie ruffled his hands through Eddie’s hair, “Needed to know that you’d say yes before I wasted all my time and energy.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie barely skipped a beat, “Why wouldn’t I say yes?”</p><p> </p><p>Richie twirled, “It’s true. I mean who could possibly deny themselves of a lovely night with all this?”</p><p> </p><p>“How you plan on cleaning all this?” Eddie stood up, gesturing towards the millions of flower petals covering the entirety of the cafeteria.</p><p> </p><p>“Stay with me and sweep?” Richie pouted and Eddie swept up his bag.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll see you at lunch.” He smiled until he was back in the hall, where he slouched his shoulders and let out a long, long sigh. Very slowly, his heart stopped racing and the pounding of his head faded away and he could think just a bit more clearly.</p><p> </p><p>Richie, it seemed, was extremely well equipped with a broom because when Eddie walked back into the cafeteria, less than an hour later, there was not a single hot pink petal in eyesight.</p><p> </p><p>There was not one shred of evidence of the proposal that had occurred not too long ago.</p><p> </p><p>“Oooo,” Stan greeted Eddie as he made his way to the losers usual lunch table, “look who it is, Mr Tozier to be.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, so you’ve heard?” Eddie laughed.</p><p> </p><p>Bev joined the two, “Oh, we’ve all heard. Your man won’t shut up about it.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie let out a nervous chuckle. It made his stomach sort of uneasy at how blatant they were talking about Richie and him, even if it was just a stupid joke. Everyone else ignored the thought of or existence of two guys together until that existence was shoved in their face and then it was aggression and snide comments that made Eddie want to disappear into the walls and shadows. His mom did it all the time, yelled at the TV any time it showed a protest or a debate or an advertisement, or anything fucking close to two people simply being in love. Sometimes, he got so scared that she would just somehow know about him and the feelings he was hiding, that he locked himself in his room and blasted music through his headphones until his head hurt more from the noise than the fear.</p><p> </p><p>“I for one never thought he’d actually have the guts to do it.” Stan whispered towards Bev as the three of them took their seats.</p><p> </p><p>She smirked enough for Eddie to get a little nervous, “Took him long enough.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie waved a fry at her, “You spilling my secrets, Miss Marsh?”</p><p> </p><p>Bev laughed, the kind of laugh that only Richie pulled out of people, like always, “Never, Mr Tozier. How could you accuse me of such a thing?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you better never.” Richie narrowed his eyes at her for a mere second before cracking a smile and inhaling the fry. “As for you, my love, would you like a ring to go with our proposal?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Eddie was too on edge to actually process the tone of the question and that he’d answered it far too harshly. Had Richie truly taken his time in asking Eddie to prom? Eddie thought it was a simple spur of the moment thing, like he’d said, fuck prom and all. He cleared his throat, “Sorry. No thanks.” It wasn’t as harsh this time but still short enough that all the losers had gone silent, staring at Eddie with open mouths and wide-eyes, Richie blinking dumbly at the boy.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie couldn’t go home with any form of a ring on his finger, it would create too many questions for his mother to ask that he wouldn’t be able to answer well enough. And Sonia didn’t like Richie. No, Sonia Kaspbrak <em>despised</em> Richie Tozier. She hadn’t liked him from the very moment Eddie had mentioned the boy.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie had been eight years old when the name Richie Tozier first fell from his lips into the open air in front of Sonia, “Momma, he’s so funny. He does these voices, sounds like he’s a completely different person.”</p><p> </p><p>Sonia had frowned at him, slowing her movements, “Eddie bear, who are you talking about?”</p><p> </p><p>“The boy I sit next to in class. Richie Tozier’s his name.” Sonia had seen the wild smile that appeared on her baby boys face that day, she hadn’t seen him smile like that ever before and she didn’t feel too happy about the fact that this Richie Tozier was the one behind such a smile.</p><p> </p><p>She had despised the boy ever since she’d met him, Eddie had been ten and it was the first, last and only time she’d allowed Eddie to have him over at the house alone. Richie had been plenty polite when he’d greeted Sonia, but his hair was a birds nest, his hands were sticky when he shook hers and his clothes were all mix-matched. It was tolerable until she heard Eddie giggling for minutes and she’d caught the two tickling each other on Eddie’s bed, limbs tangled and skin sticking. Sonia had sent Richie home immediately and Eddie had been far too confused to ask why, but Sonia had made it perfectly clear that if “That filthy little boy ever steps foot in my house again, you’ll be thrown to the streets with the rest of the germs.” </p><p> </p><p>Eddie simply couldn’t go home with anything from Richie, his mom would lock him in his room for quarantine and go out to strangle Richie. “Get me a corsage for prom night instead?” He smiled sweetly at everyone but didn’t let his gaze stay on Richie too long.</p><p> </p><p>“Anything for you, darling.” Richie smiled back.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>It was a week later that Richie and Eddie were walking home from the movies after seeing The Lion King, Richie humming one of the songs and skipping along the path as if he hadn’t a care in the world.</p><p> </p><p>“What’re you getting Bill for his birthday?” Eddie asked him, the party was in two days and he was still a little unsure of what to buy the guy that had pretty much everything.</p><p> </p><p>Richie stopped his humming, “You haven’t gotten him something yet? The party’s like tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>“The party is not tomorrow, and no I haven’t.” Eddie sighed, “You have?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s Bill man, I’ve had something for months.”</p><p> </p><p>Right. It was Bill. Of course. Richie had known Bill practically since birth, it was no wonder Richie already had something for him.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, what do you suggest I get him then?”</p><p> </p><p>“Art supplies,” Richie smiled, sweet and soft that Eddie’s heart pinched, “new sketchbook. He just ran through his last one.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie nodded. The feeling in his stomach, whenever Richie spoke so fondly of anyone other than him, was more present than ever. He did his best to ignore it, like always and pretended to be more interested in the cars driving by than Richie’s lips pursed the way they were while he whistled.</p><p> </p><p>The whistling stopped, “So, spaghetti, what are your humble opinions on the movie?”</p><p> </p><p>He nodded slightly, “Yeah, I liked it.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie stopped in his tracks, turning his head to face Eddie, a horrified look plastered across his face, “You liked it? Eddie, my boy, I didn’t ask if you liked it or not, I asked for your opinions. Give me your opinions.”</p><p> </p><p>“That <em>is</em> my opinion, dickwad.” Eddie huffed.</p><p> </p><p>“That is <em>barely</em> an opinion,” Richie jumped in front of Eddie, stopping him with a hand on his chest and Eddie’s mind went blank, “here are my opinions on what we just viewed, even though you didn’t ask. It was brilliantly fun. It was sweet, enjoyable, sincere and exciting. I’d go as far as mesmerizing for some scenes. It was one of the most interesting movies, I’ve seen in a while now. Sure the storyline is a bit jagged, and some of the songs aren’t the best hits, but overall I thoroughly enjoyed it. Most of the songs were excellent and the characters were very entertaining. So, yes, I liked it also, for reasons. You can’t just like something for no reason.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie blinked, his eyes dry from staring at Richie. He adored it when Richie monologued, an entire performance playing out in front of his eyes, how his eyes got wider and brighter, his face lit up, voice dancing around in tone but consistently excited. It was beautiful. If Richie wasn’t so hyperactive, he’d make a really great actor.</p><p> </p><p>“Sheesh, okay Rich. Sorry.” He shrugged, he wished he was that passionate about something, wished he could express it that easily, at least. “I agree. With your reasons.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie laughed and resumed his skipping, “Eddie, one day you’re going to show me a deep and passionate emotion, other than annoyance or anger.” He sighed.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie had plenty of deep and passionate emotions that he wanted to show Richie, but that tiny little voice in his head that screamed a little whenever he was around Richie, only got louder and louder every time he even thought of showing those emotions to Richie. Screamed at him to shut up, to not even dare look at him, to shut his mouth and ignore those disgusting desires he had swimming around his mind. He was pretty sure it was his mother’s voice.</p><p> </p><p>There was a rather intense wave of, <em>guilt</em>? that rushed over Eddie, made him feel awkward and while he didn’t completely understand it, he did know that he didn’t want to be where he was right now.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie started jogging away. “I’m gonna head off, Rich. I’ll see you at Bill’s.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, where are you going? I’ll come with you.” Richie called after him.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie picked up his pace, shouting behind him, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you at Bill’s.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie didn’t have any destination in mind while he ran, didn’t even know the direction he was headed, he just ran. One foot in front of the other, his legs thinking for themselves, carrying his body wherever they wanted to go. His mind ran free with him, he thought a lot about his dad while he was running, even more, recently. He didn’t remember much of his dad, he did remember his mom being nicer, calmer and much more relaxed. He wondered if his dad would want to see his mom like this if he would approve of the way she had raised their son, would he be proud of Eddie? Support his hobbies? Like his friends? Would he be able to talk to his dad about the things he didn’t dare talk to anyone else about?</p><p> </p><p>Eddie lost track of how long he’d been running for, he was pretty sure he passed the Church at some point and the Kissing Bridge a while after, but it wasn’t until he was suddenly back at the movie theatre that he stopped and looked up to catch his breath.</p><p> </p><p>It was almost dark, the sky a deep blue, the moon rising slowly.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit, shit, shit.” Eddie started sprinting, ignoring the stiffness in his legs and the stabbing pain in his side.</p><p> </p><p>“Edward Kaspbrak, where on God’s Earth have you been?” His mom was waiting for him in the kitchen, face flush with worry.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, Ma. I lost track of time. I went for a run after the movie.” He kissed her on the cheek and tried to escape to his room.</p><p> </p><p>“Eddie bear,” He turned in his spot, “who did you see the movie with?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, “Just a friend.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Sonia heaved a sigh, “if you go out with that Tozier boy again, you’ll be gone for no longer than three hours. Is that understood?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie nodded, once, cautiously.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you, Eddie bear.” She returned to her chair and Eddie was careful not to slam the door before curling onto his bed, music blasting.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Eddie didn’t end up getting art supplies for Bill, or a new sketchbook.</p><p> </p><p>He was going to, went to the news agency and straight to the art section but as he was looking at the endless amounts of pens and pencils and the dozens of various sketchbooks that were all just covers filled with empty pages, all he could see on every single empty page was Richie’s soft smile as he spoke about Bill, and his mom yelling at him about Richie, and Richie singing that stupid song, and Richie. Richie was everywhere. Richie’s eyes, Richie’s smile, Richie’s lips, Richie’s hair, Richie’s hands.</p><p> </p><p>Richie, Richie, Richie.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie lasted barely three minutes in the store before he had to run outside, chest heaving in an effort to get the air back into his lungs, collapsing onto the ground.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes he wished he’d never found out his mom had been lying to him, that his asthma was real, because that would be easier to handle than his anxiety. To solve the problem of not being able to breathe with a few simple puffs of air. That didn’t work, anymore, not since he’d found out it was all bullshit. Instead, Eddie sat on the sidewalk, knees against his chest, deep breaths in and out, focusing on the grass under his fingers and the smell of the bakery across the road. After about two minutes, his breathing was almost normal and his heartbeat was back down.</p><p> </p><p>He decided instead, to go to the EB Games store a couple of streets over and buy a couple of games and a gift card. That was going to be it, until he walked past a second-hand bookstore. Eddie wasn’t entirely sure of what got him into the store, he knew that Bill liked to read but he didn’t have enough money to spend on something else for his present. It was when he got inside that he thought, maybe it was the smell that had pulled him inside, stale pine infused air, somehow very comforting. He spent almost an hour in the store, browsing the shelves, reading summaries, flicking through comics and smelling pages.</p><p> </p><p>“Sir, can I help you with anything?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie looked up from the book he was not so subtly sniffing, “Oh, no. Thank you, I’m all good.”</p><p> </p><p>The worker smiled, “Just letting you know, I have to close the store for an hour, it’s my lunch. I’m so sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Eddie dropped the book. “Shit, sorry. Uh, can I grab this?” He picked the book back up quickly and followed the clerk to the register.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t seem too happy about being held back from lunch but Eddie wasn’t going to leave the store he’d been in for an hour without spending any money, even if he didn’t know what the book was titled. She wished him a good day and practically swept him out the door.</p><p> </p><p>It was only when Eddie was back in the fresh, crisp air that he looked at the book’s cover, the words ’Treasure Island’ in stark letters were printed on the front.</p><p> </p><p>Once he got back home, he wrapped each of the presents individually, using brown paper and some silk white ribbons that he stole from his mother’s drawers. He wrote what he deemed a nice enough message in the card and placed it all together in a gift bag.</p><p> </p><p>“Ma, I’m leaving now.” Eddie called out as he opened the front door to the evening air.</p><p> </p><p>“Back before ten, Eddie bear. I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie winced at her words and hurried outside without saying anything. He decided to ride his bike to Bill’s house rather than walking, the evening air sweet and refreshing, the breeze gentle and kind on his skin. The sky that deep and sultry soft blue and the stars only just beginning to twinkle. Eddie soaked in the air, the hairs on his arms raising. The ride wasn’t long enough, in his opinion, it was over almost immediately after it started.</p><p> </p><p>“Eddie,” it was Bev’s voice that brought Eddie out of the calming trance he’d entered, once he arrived. She gestured to the bag he held, “Oh wow, what’d you get him?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie glanced down at the bag, it was relatively big compared to the small package that Bev held in her hands, “Just a couple of games, and this book. Treasure island.”</p><p> </p><p>Bev’s blue eyes lit up, her smile widening, “He’s gonna love it, Eds.”</p><p> </p><p>There was something about that statement and Bev’s smile that released all the anxiety and confusion that Eddie had been unknowingly holding onto and smiled widely at her. “Ya think? Thanks, Bev.”</p><p> </p><p>“Spaghetti man!” Richie ran down the stairs and consumed Eddie into his arms, “you made it!”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie felt like he was in an oven, his entire body heating to a hundred degrees, he was sure that his face was a tomato red when Richie finally pulled away, “Yeah, Rich. I’m like,” he glanced at his watch, “ten minutes early.”</p><p> </p><p>Bev let out a laugh, “I think Richie might be a <em>little</em> drunk.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie pointed his finger at Bev, pouting, “That, madam, is a lie. I have not a single sip of alcohol. This is just soda.” He swished the cup in his hand.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie narrowed his eyes, he did seem drunk, but it was Richie, he could simply be acting. Eddie leaned towards the cup in Richie’s hand without thinking and Richie moved it closer to Eddie, “Don’t trust me, Eds? Take a sip.” Richie offered him the cup.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie swiped the cup and brought it to his nose, it didn’t smell like alcohol at all and he didn’t want to take a sip out of the cup Richie had been using, the amount of germs on that thing were probably in the millions, “I trust you, Rich.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie grinned and pulled Eddie into his side with an arm around his shoulders, “Let’s get you a drink.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie shook his head, “I’m good, no drinks for me.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie gasped, “‘No drinks’, he says. ‘I’m good’, he says. Bill ain’t gonna be happy when he hears this. You at least gotta do one shot with him.”</p><p> </p><p>The house was loud once they stepped inside, that was the best way Eddie could have described it. Everything was loud, the music, the people, the lights, the atmosphere, everything was bright and colourful and loud. There weren’t too many people there yet and yet the living room was still full of people. Eddie could see Mike, Stan and Bill standing by the kitchen counter and he made his way through the crowd to greet them all.</p><p> </p><p>“Eh-eh-Eddie, hey, you mah-made it.” Bill grabbed Eddie’s hand and pulled him into his side.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah man, of course I did.” He pushed the gift bag towards Bill. “Happy Birthday.”</p><p> </p><p>Bill’s smile beamed as he took the bag, “Th-thanks, Eddie. D-do a shot with me.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie knew that was a terrible idea, the last time he’d touched alcohol, Richie had to carry him back to his house, Eddie could barely walk and there was no way any of the losers were letting Sonia see Eddie that way, he wouldn’t be allowed to see any of the losers ever again. But it was Bill’s birthday, and what harm could one shot do, even if Eddie was the biggest lightweight he knew.</p><p> </p><p>Bill shakily poured three shots, handing one to Mike and the other to Eddie. Eddie was more concerned for Bill’s shakiness than his own alcohol tolerance as he took the shot which is why it slid down his throat with ease, but as soon as it hit his stomach, everything burned. All the way from his lips, down his throat and into his stomach, as if he’d swallowed a shot of fire.</p><p> </p><p>He coughed and coughed and tried to spit the taste out of his insides. It didn’t fully work, the burn was definitely still present but it eased and cooled slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit.” Eddie winced and Bill grinned wickedly.</p><p> </p><p>“H-hey guys,” Bill nudged Eddie’s side and gestured his head towards the living room, “l-l-looks like Richie’s g-gonna get some t-tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie followed Bill’s gaze. Richie was sat in one of the chairs, legs spread wide like it was his personal throne. A girl was sitting on one of his legs, awfully close to his lap, laughing and flicking her curled blonde hair over her shoulder while Richie leaned towards her, whispering something into her ear. When Richie leaned back, his smile was wide and bright, he looked beautiful.</p><p> </p><p>So, so, so <em>beautiful</em>. Eddie thought.</p><p> </p><p>But the girl was leaning so close to Richie, her arms slung around his neck, smile beaming, twirling strands of her hair through her fingers and it made Eddie’s stomach churn. He turned away, ready to make a break for the bathroom and he almost bumped right into Beverly.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, sorry. Sorry, Bev.” Eddie stammered.</p><p> </p><p>“’s all good.” She smiled sweetly, always so kind to Eddie, and offered him the drink in her hand, “Here, you look like you need this.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie took the bottle, hesitantly, and tipped it towards his lips. Eddie didn’t like the taste of beer, never had and highly doubted he ever would, it was sour and stale and made him feel like he was swallowing wet and mouldy cardboard. Yet, somehow, as the liquid washed down his throat, it tasted better than the feeling he got when he looked at the girl sitting on Richie and so, he tipped the bottle further, gulping down the entirety of the bottle.</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus, Eddie.” Bev breathed in concern.</p><p> </p><p>“Another one. I want another.” Eddie hissed.</p><p> </p><p>Bev was still smiling, but not so sweetly and widely anymore and she nodded slightly, “Oh-okay, let’s go, sit down. Yeah?” She grabbed his hand in hers and walked towards the back of the house where Ben was lying in the hammock.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie grabbed the drink from his hands before dumping himself into the hammock aside his friend. He swallowed the liquid down in a rush, hoping it would burn the image of Richie from his mind, and while the image remained ever prevalent, his vision grew blurry.</p><p> </p><p>He threw the bottle down and laid his head back to gaze at the dark sky.</p><p> </p><p>Ben leaned over the hammock and whispered at Bev, “Is he okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Richie’s with some girl inside. They seemed very close.” Bev whispered back.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie spoke up, bothered by the way they were talking as if they knew the reason he was upset. They didn’t know anything, they couldn’t. “This isn’t about Richie.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie sat up and looked Bev dead in the eyes, “Not everything is about Richie Tozier. He’s just a stupid boy.”</p><p> </p><p>Bev’s blue eyes softened and she offered Eddie a small smile and nod, “Right. He’s just a stupid boy.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie had no desire to be there anymore, the pity eyes Bev was giving him and the awkward silence that both Bev and Ben had now entered was making him more than uncomfortable. It was making the thoughts of Richie even louder and the image even stronger. He jumped off the hammock and stumbled back inside, the party was in full bloom now, even louder than it had been before, the lights in the living room switched off with the music blaring. Eddie pushed his way through to the centre of the room, grabbing an abandoned bottle, flinging his head back to drown in the liquid.</p><p> </p><p>He began to move his body, the music guiding his muscles, flowing through his bloodstream along with the alcohol, he closed his eyes, revelling in the music, the heat of all the bodies that surrounded him, jumping and dancing, hands raised to the air.</p><p> </p><p>Someone joined him, shouting a greeting over the music and Eddie’s eyes opened to take them in. There were two cups in their hands, one held out slightly further towards Eddie, he took it and even though he knew that he’d already had way too much he could hear Bev’s words, ‘Richie’s with some girl inside.’ and Eddie swallowed the drink in one go. He looked at the person that stood before him, they were tall, long like Richie, but not as long, and they weren’t as thin, more muscular and buff than Richie could ever possibly become. Their auburn hair was short and well-groomed, slicked to one side and they donned a sweet smile on their lips, quite unlike the typical wicked grin Richie wore.</p><p> </p><p>Their lips started moving then but Eddie couldn’t hear a word that came out, he moved closer, “What?”</p><p> </p><p>The other boy leaned in, lips barely an inch from Eddie’s ear, breath kissing his skin, “You’re lookin’ good, tonight. I haven’t seen you like this before.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie stumbled back slightly and the boy grabbed his waist, steadying him and bringing him closer. “The name’s Ethan.”</p><p> </p><p>Ethan smiled, hand still placed firmly on Eddie’s waist, golden eyes gleaming in the low light. Eddie could feel himself burning up, body shaking and eyes beginning to fill with water. He wanted to leave, needed to leave. The hand on his waist felt like it was searing into Eddie’s skin, the boy was too close to Eddie, way too fucking close. Why the fuck was he so close? Eddie couldn’t breathe properly, his throat had closed up completely, and the cup fell from his hand as he tried to claw his throat open. Ethan finally let him go, stepping back and frowning at Eddie, “Are you okay man?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie dropped to the floor, there was no air coming into his lungs and everyone had stopped dancing, staring down at him, “Just…get the fuck…away from…me.” Eddie pushed out, heaving intensely.</p><p> </p><p>Ethan ignored his words instead, he crouched down in front of Eddie, eyes softening and Eddie despised the thoughts that entered his brain at that moment, “Let me help you.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie shook his head furiously, pulling his knees into his body and cradling his head. He closed his eyes and clutched his ears, he could hear people whispering in the crowd and then a familiar voice, louder and closer to him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve got this, Ethan, you can go.” Two hands gently placed themselves on Eddie’s shoulders and the voice lowered itself, “Hey, Eds, it’s Richie, can you open your eyes for me?”</p><p> </p><p>Of course it was Richie, of-fucking-course.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie opened his eyes slowly, looking straight into Richie’s, he was so close to Eddie that his head was blocking the view of everything and everyone else and as Eddie looked at him it was almost like there was no one else around them, it was just him and Richie, gazing into each other’s eyes. His breathing seemed to ease a bit.</p><p> </p><p>Richie grinned slightly, “Hey there. What do you say we get out of here, huh? Ditch the party?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie shook his head, frowning, “But, Bill?”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry about Bill, he’ll understand.” Richie’s eyes seemed so sincere as he stood up, offering his hand to Eddie, and Eddie convinced himself that was the only reason that he took Richie’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>Richie pulled Eddie to his feet and began to walk him away from the scene, towards the front of the house. Eddie was too focused on his hand encompassed by Richie’s-the warmth of Richie’s hand, how firmly it was gripping his-that he didn’t notice any of the people that were still staring at him, whispering and snickering.</p><p> </p><p>“Rich, where are we going?” Eddie asked when they kept walking once they were outside the house.</p><p> </p><p>Richie glanced behind him, “We’re just gonna go sit in my truck, calm down a bit. Get you some water. That okay with you?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie simply nodded, a smile tugging at his lips.</p><p> </p><p>Richie opened the door to his truck for Eddie and offered him a bottle of water once they were both sat inside the car.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie took the bottle, sipping from it tenderly. Hheartbeateat had returned to normal, but his head was still spinning from the alcohol. Richie was looking at him, face full of worry, and while it warmed Eddie’s heart to know that Richie cared so deeply for him, Eddie was sick of seeing people look at him like he was some fragile thing on the verge of breaking down.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you dare ask me if I’m okay.” Eddie snapped.</p><p> </p><p>Richie laughed, “I wasn’t going to. That would be such a stupid question, considering we both already know the answer to it is, clearly, no.” Richie paused, taking a breath in, “But, do you wanna tell me what happened in there? Did Ethan say something, <em>do</em> something, to you?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s heart stopped, the blood in his veins going still, “W-w-what do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>Richie turned away from Eddie, “I just mean, what happened? Ya know, that made you react like that.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie could feel the panic rising in his chest again, he didn’t know what to say to Richie, he couldn’t tell him that he was jealous of the girl that he’d seen with Richie, or that the way Ethan had touched him and looked at him was how Eddie wanted Richie to look at him, to touch him. And how that made him feel dirty and disgusting, like there was a disease in him, turning his insides rotten.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing,” Eddie shook his head, “it was just too loud, and I was too drunk to handle it, that’s all.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie nodded, quite hesitantly, and turned the keys in the ignition.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing?” Eddie frowned.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re going to my house, there’s no way I’m letting your mom see you like this, that would just land me further in her bad books, which is where I don’t want to be.” And sensing his concern, Richie added, “Your bike is in the back, don’t worry.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie relaxed into Richie’s seat, flicking the radio on, he didn’t mind going to Richie’s, he knew his mom would give him hell about it tomorrow but he was sure he could handle that.</p><p> </p><p>He drifted off into sleep, the lull of the car’s engine joined with the melodies of the song that was playing, calming his mind and heart.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie was vaguely aware of the car stopping eventually and somehow making his way inside and onto the comfort of a bed, but it was the slam of a door that suddenly woke him.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, sorry.” Richie was standing above the bed, opposite to the side Eddie was lying, wearing nothing but a pair of looney toons boxers, his hair as wild as ever.</p><p> </p><p>The blood rose to Eddie’s cheeks and he rolled over to face away from Richie, mumbling, “It’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>The sheets rustled as Richie stepped into the bed and there was silence for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>Then, “Did you carry me inside?”</p><p> </p><p>Richie took a moment to answer, “Uh, yes. Yes, I did. And it was not easy, might I add, you should probably lay off sugar for a while.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie couldn’t stop the grin that came, “I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie felt Richie turn to face him, the sheets pulling against him, “Nah, you were light as a feather, you are tiny after all.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie rolled over in a huff, “I am <em>not</em> tiny, screw you.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie was closer to Eddie than he had been at the party, closer to Eddie than he ever had been before, his glasses gone and those deep, dark eyes glistening. His lips were mere millimetres from Eddie’s, and Eddie struggled to keep his eyes off them. His heart was racing and yet he felt rather calm, affects of the liquor still running through his system, he was sure.</p><p> </p><p>The words tumbled from Eddie’s lips before he could stop them, “Who was that girl you were with tonight?”</p><p> </p><p>Richie pulled back, ever so slightly, an expression of shock passing over his face for a second, before his grin returned, “Is my prom date jealous?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie rolled his eyes and went to turn back over but Richie started to speak again, “Her name is Amy, she was really drunk. Told me that she would never have the confidence to speak to me without having a few drinks, and by a few, I think she meant a dozen. She couldn’t stand, barely even sit, without falling.”</p><p> </p><p>“She likes you?” Eddie wouldn’t make eye contact with Richie, even though the boy’s eyes were bearing down on him.</p><p> </p><p>“It would assume that way.” Richie’s voice was quiet, almost careful.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie cleared his throat, as quiet as he could, eyes glancing down, “Do you, do you like her?”</p><p> </p><p>“I barely know her, Eds, this was the first time she’s ever spoken to me.”</p><p> </p><p>His heartfelt like it was suffocating itself, squeezing itself tightly. “Are you going to ask her to prom?”</p><p> </p><p>Richie shuffled closer to Eddie, and ever so slowly brought his finger beneath Eddie’s chin and gently tipped his head up, forcing Eddie’s eyes to look into Richie’s.</p><p> </p><p>“Eddie, my love, you’re the only one for me.” Richie’s voice was so small but sounded so incredibly sincere.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s heart released, if Eddie simply moved his head forward even the slightest, it would close the small amount of distance between his lips and Richie’s. He wanted to, there was no one around, no one to see it, and Richie’s skin was so soft, his touch so gentle, his lips so so close.</p><p> </p><p>Still, Eddie couldn’t bring himself to do it, terrified of how Richie would react, didn’t what he would say if Richie reacted badly. Eddie turned his body away again, staring at the wall across the room, waiting for sleep to pull him under.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Richie didn’t get any sleep that night, he kept closing his eyes in hopes that eventually he would simply drift into sleep, but it was no use, he just couldn’t fall asleep. So, he lay on his back, eyes wide open, staring at his ceiling, thoughts running wild.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie tossed and turned next to him for the majority of the night, more restless than Richie had ever seen him, it was deeply concerning. At one point in the night, while Richie was thinking about one day becoming Batman (he’d even settle for Robin), Eddie rolled over to face Richie, his arm reaching across Richie’s chest to pull himself closer to Richie’s body, head resting in the dip of his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Richie’s breath hitched in his throat, his body and thoughts almost shutting down completely. He took a deep breath in and shakily pushed it back out through his mouth and looked down at Eddie, entangled with his own body. Eddie’s breath was warm as it tickled against Richie’s bare skin, sending goosebumps all over his body, and in the soft moonlight of the night, with Eddie so close, Richie could see every gorgeous feature on Eddie’s face. The small freckles littered across his nose and fading into his cheeks, skin sweetly pale, the button of his nose twitching with his breaths. His lips pouted and plump, a soft and pale pink and his eyelashes kissing his skin ever so lightly. Eddie’s chestnut hair was curling at the edges, his fringe particularly curled, something that Richie had noticed occurred when it was rather humid. He looked so peaceful and small and soft, everything about him seemed <em>soft</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Richie brought his hand up, breathing deeply to ease the shaking and delicately placed it down into Eddie’s hair, gingerly running his fingers through the curls, untangling their ends. After a moment, Richie relaxed, muscles loosening and he placed a kiss on Eddie’s forehead before he too closed his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>But barely a minute passed, when Eddie rolled away, arm slipping off Richie’s chest, his back once again turned to Richie. Richie’s heart pinched at the loss of Eddie’s touch and he sighed as he stared at the back of Eddie’s head.</p><p> </p><p>Richie spent the rest of the night curled on his side, eyes focusing on Eddie and his soft kind of gorgeousness. He thought about how Eddie had looked at his lips earlier that night, how he had wanted so desperately to kiss Eddie at that moment, as he had many, many instances before, but it would’ve been wrong of him to do it, in that moment. Eddie probably wouldn’t have even remembered it the next morning if he did. It was an excuse, if Richie really thought about it, just another excuse to add to the list he had for why he couldn’t kiss Eddie.</p><p> </p><p>Richie was still looking at Eddie when the sun grew hot and the sky went baby blue, and Eddie was facing him again when his eyes finally fluttered back open.</p><p> </p><p>Richie took a deep breath in before Eddie opened his eyes fully, and when Eddie’s brown eyes came into full view, Richie booped the end of his nose, grinning, “Good morning to you, sleeping beauty.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s nose crinkled up, the way it did when there was a foul smell nearby, “Don’t boop my nose.” He snarled and then turned rather pale, his mouth snapping shut.</p><p> </p><p>“Eds?”</p><p> </p><p>The other boy scrambled from the sheets and ran towards the door, fleeing the room and Richie quickly ran after him, the bathroom door being slammed in his face followed by the sound of gagging.</p><p> </p><p>Richie waited for it to go quiet beyond the door, then, tapped his knuckles on the wood, “Eds, you alright in there?”</p><p> </p><p>The door swung opened suddenly, causing Richie to lose his footing, almost falling to the floor, he stumbled upright as Eddie stormed past him.</p><p> </p><p>“What time is it? I need to get home. My mom’s going to murder me.” Eddie looked back at Richie, “And you for that matter. Why did you bring me here last night? You should’ve just taken me home.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie followed Eddie hurriedly, “You’re kidding right? Eds, you were drunk off your face, asleep before we even got here. Your mom would’ve killed me right there on your doorstep if I took you home like that.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie huffed, “What <em>time</em> is it? I need to get home.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie looked at the clock by his bed, “It’s 11.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie stuffed his feet in the shoes that Richie had taken off him the night before, “I have to go home, where’s my bike?”</p><p> </p><p>“Let me drive you.” Richie offered.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie stood upright, crossing his arms and for a second he seemed to lose his breath, a slight pink rising to his cheeks and Richie was suddenly aware of how very little he was wearing. Eddie shook his head, “No, don’t worry about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just let me throw some clothes on and take you.” Richie quickly had a shirt on and he was reaching for his pants, but Eddie shouldered past him and out his door again. “Eddie, slow the fuck down.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie stumbled down the stairs, hitching his pants to his waist. Eddie was out the door before Richie was down the stairs, the small boy always moving too damn fast. Richie slammed his arms across the bike that Eddie was trying to haul from the back of his truck.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you just <em>please</em> let me drive you. You’re far too hungover to be cycling home, you haven’t even eaten.” Richie pleaded.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie let go of the bike and sighed, “Fine.” He didn’t even look Richie in the eyes as he stomped past and hurled himself into his seat.</p><p> </p><p>Richie made his way around the truck, wondering why Eddie’s temper was going through the roof, on this fine morning. He tried asking him as they pulled out onto the road, “What’s wrong, Eds?” He cracked a smile, “Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?”</p><p> </p><p>“I woke up in the wrong fucking bed.” Eddie snapped back and Richie couldn’t stop his smile from faltering slightly.</p><p> </p><p>Still, he retorted, “Now, now, that’s no way to speak to the boy you spent the night with.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie turned his head then, fast and harsh, “Shut up, Richie. Just shut the fuck up for once.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie didn’t dare take his eyes off the road, terrified that if he did, and saw the look of anger that he could sense on Eddie’s face, he would say something he’d regret. Too scared his feelings would betray him. So he did shut up, shut his mouth tight and did not utter another word for the rest of the drive.</p><p> </p><p>He pulled into the curb across from Eddie’s house, slowly killing the engine and went to turn to Eddie, to say something but the other boy was already out of the car, heading towards his bike. Richie followed after him, crossing the road, “Why are you in such a rush?” Richie ran to catch up with Eddie, “Eds, talk to me.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie dropped his bike on the lawn and faced Richie, “I’m sorry, Rich. Sorry, about what happened in the car, I’m just stressed.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie practically drowned in relief and smiled at Eddie, “Hey, it’s fine, I get it. You know you can talk to me, tell me anything.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s face visibly softened, and he took a breath in as if about to say something, but he was cut off by the front door swinging open.</p><p> </p><p>“Eddie bear, where on God’s Earth have you been, I was worried sick. I was about to call the police.” Sonia Kaspbrak stood in the doorway, face vile with sweat, a horrified gasp coming out of her small mouth as she took in Richie by her son's side.</p><p> </p><p>Richie waved up at Sonia, putting on his best smile, “Hey, Mrs K, how’s it hangin’?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie was already moving towards his mom, away from Richie, muttering something that Richie assumed was a goodbye.</p><p> </p><p>“Come here, Eddie, away from the <em>filth</em>. Let me get you cleaned up.” Sonia snarled down at Richie.</p><p> </p><p>He kept his smile, “Always a pleasure, Mrs K. See you Monday, Eddie.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie didn’t spare Richie another look as his mom ushered him inside, slamming the door shut and Richie walked back to his car in silence.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Except Richie didn’t see Eddie Monday, because Eddie wasn’t at school.</p><p> </p><p>Richie asked the rest of the losers at lunch if anyone had seen Eddie, or if they had any idea why he wasn’t at school, he hadn’t missed a day of school in years.</p><p> </p><p>“I haven’t seen him since Bill’s.” Was the response every single one of them gave, except,</p><p> </p><p>“His mom isn’t letting him see anyone.” Mike commented, seemingly unbothered by the impact that statement held.</p><p> </p><p>Richie frowned, hands slamming on the table, “What? What do you mean? Did you see him?”</p><p> </p><p>Mike looked at him then, “No. I didn’t see him, Sonia wouldn’t let me. She told me to stay away and keep the rest of my filthy friends away. Doesn’t want Eddie getting infected with any of the diseases that are going around.”</p><p> </p><p>“What fucking diseases is she talking about?  There’s no diseases going around!” Richie knew his voice was rising, but he couldn’t hear it, his blood boiling over in rage.</p><p> </p><p>Sonia couldn’t just decide to keep Eddie away from school, away from his friends, his family, whenever she pleased. Whenever she got angry at Eddie, whenever she was feeling lonely and upset, displeased with whatever it was that Eddie had done.</p><p> </p><p>The losers had gone completely still and silent, staring at Richie, confused and concerned.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I don’t know, sorry, Richie.” Mike stammered. “I don’t think she meant normal diseases, I think she was referring to my skin, Bill’s stutter, and…” He looked at Richie, a deeper knowledge behind his deep brown eyes, “other such things.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie knew what he meant, knew that even if he hadn’t told all the losers that they all knew his deepest and darkest secret anyway, knew in this disturbingly close-minded town that his kind of secret was indeed considered a disease. Richie was shaking with anger, his thoughts a mess of flames, and he really did think he was going blind with rage because he didn’t notice that Bev had placed a hand on his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Richie, let's go for a walk, hey?” Her voice was soft and low by his side, her hand delicately rubbing his back.</p><p> </p><p>Richie gave a hesitant nod and clumsily stepped away from the table, walking with Bev into the empty halls, and as soon as they were out of the crowd, away from all the prying eyes and countless voices, Richie crouched towards the ground, falling against the lockers.</p><p> </p><p>“Just breathe, yeah?” It was a blessing how calming Bev’s voice was, “You’re okay, you’re alright.”</p><p> </p><p>The cafeteria doors opened and Stan came running through them, rushing to Richie’s side, “Talk to me, to us.” He nodded at Bev, “I thought everything was going well.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie stared down at Stan over the rim of his glasses, “Well it’s not anymore, now is it Stan.”</p><p> </p><p>Stan rolled his eyes and sighed deeply, “Okay, what was the last thing that happened between you guys?”</p><p> </p><p>Richie took a breath in and paused before he said anything, careful with his next words, “I nearly kissed him. But...”</p><p> </p><p>“But what?” Bev was still soothingly rubbing his shoulder, “What stopped you this time?”</p><p> </p><p>Richie’s head hit the locker behind him, he was sick of having to tell them how he had almost kissed Eddie, how he got so close so many times, and then how he simply created an excuse in his mind and never went through with it. He wasn’t sure why either of them still listened to all his Eddie based problems, it’d been years since he’d told them that Eddie consumed all his thoughts, that Eddie was the one he dreamed of kissing. He was sick of himself, so he wondered how they weren’t sick of him yet.</p><p> </p><p>“I just, I couldn’t.” Richie balled his hands into fists, nails digging into the skin of his palm, “I don’t think I ever will, I don’t think I ever can.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie wasn’t there another second, standing and storming away from his two friends.</p><p> </p><p>“Richie!” Bev called after him, but Richie had already turned the corner headed towards an exit for the school.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t entirely sure where he was going, he just wanted to go somewhere to calm down, somewhere that he was comfortable and happy being. He didn’t really pay any attention to where he was walking, didn’t notice the familiarity of his surroundings, wasn’t aware of the path that his legs had subconsciously taken him on, not until his body stopped moving and he looked at the house he was standing before. There was no car in the driveway, still, Richie made his way around to the back of the house where there was a window he was well acquainted with.</p><p> </p><p>To his surprise, the window was locked shut, something that hadn’t happened in years, Eddie hadn’t locked his window since they were 12 years old and Richie had offered to stay overnight after Eddie had told Richie of the nightmares that he couldn’t sleep through. Richie approached the window, bringing his knuckles to the glass and tapping three times. He waited for the window to open, for Eddie’s pretty face to show up behind it, but it didn’t, Richie knocked again, another three times and again, waited. He was close to turning away when the window made a sound of opening and that soft pair of glorious brown eyes Richie so adored came in view. </p><p> </p><p>Richie grinned instinctively, “He lives! Guess I gotta give some people some terribly disappointing news.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie rolled his eyes and the typical small smile that would follow, did not show, but the boy did lean forward onto the windowsill, “What do you want? Shouldn’t you be at school?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, my love, ever the genius,” Richie took a sharp breath, “I wanted to check up on you, see if you were alright. Are you?” Richie raised his eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine.” Eddie looked down.</p><p> </p><p>Richie resisted the urge to lift his hand and graze Eddie’s cheek, “You know you can tell me anything.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you’ve said that.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie couldn’t stop himself from grabbing Eddie’s arm, to try to get the boy to look him in the eye, but Eddie flinched away, moving back from the sill. “Well, I want to make sure you <em>know</em> that.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie just nodded, holding his arms close to his body, eyes focused on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“Eds,” Richie moved even further into the window, “what’s going on?”</p><p> </p><p>“My mom doesn’t want me going to prom. She won’t let me.” Eddie’s eyes rose from the floor to meet Richie’s and they were full of welling tears.</p><p> </p><p>Richie’s heart screamed to his throat and he completely forgot about the wall and window that was between Eddie and him and walked right into it as he went to reach for Eddie. He launched himself up and over the wall, through the window and reached towards Eddie, to bring him into his arms, to comfort him as best he could. But, again Eddie flinched away, backing up even further. Richie’s throat went dry, he couldn’t swallow the hurt that was surely on full display, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything, the words getting stuck somewhere in his throat before they could make it out. He stood there, frozen, unable to even coax a grin to his lips and stared open-mouthed at the boy in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie blinked back at him, tears spilling down his cheeks, lips trembling slightly as he spoke, “Go home, if my mom finds you here she’ll never let me see you again. Just go home.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie’s throat opened slightly and he gulped down, “I don’t want to go home. I want to talk to you.” He stepped forward, cautiously.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie was shaking his head now, clutching his arms to his body, but he didn’t step back.</p><p> </p><p>“You gotta convince your mom to let you go to prom, otherwise who am I supposed to go with?” Richie tried to smile with it, desperately, but it simply didn’t happen. He took another step forward.</p><p> </p><p>“The girl from the party,” Eddie stared at him, eyes glistening from the tears, “Amy. Go with her.”</p><p> </p><p>What the fuck? <em>What the fuck?</em> Richie was sure he’d cleared that whole situation, but maybe, maybe Eddie didn’t remember they’re late night, in the dark conversation. “Eds, I already told you. I’m not interested in Amy.”</p><p> </p><p>“She was sitting in your <em>lap</em>!” Eddie blurted out and stomped forward.</p><p> </p><p>Richie stared at him, and then blinked because that’s all he could thing to do. Sure, Amy had been sitting close to him, squashed against his side in that tiny ass armchair, but she hadn’t sat in his lap, Richie wouldn’t have let that happen, he wasn’t going to lead on the girl, she was nice. And why the hell did Eddie care so much about this Amy girl? Why was he even suggesting that Richie go with her to prom?</p><p> </p><p>“Eds,”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop calling me that!” Eddie screamed at him.</p><p> </p><p>Richie was getting angry again, his blood boiling inside him, his filter and restraint vanishing, “Why?” He stormed closer to Eddie, “Huh? Why? Why do you want me to stop calling you that? Why the fuck do you want me to go to prom with Amy?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because,” Eddie’s tears had gone still, his voice dropping low but Richie hadn’t noticed, too busy fuming with rage.</p><p> </p><p>“Because what, Eddie?”</p><p> </p><p>It was when Eddie looked back to the ground, shoulders shrugging that Richie seemed to realize the other boy had lost all his menace and the anger flowed right out of Richie’s system. “Just cause. I want what’s best for you.” Eddie looked back up at him, brown eyes catching alight from the sun.</p><p> </p><p>Richie took in the boy standing before him, from head to toe and back up again. His face was red and blotchy from the crying, eyes wide and wet, lips plump and pink. Richie’s eyes got stuck on those lips, the lips he’d dreamed of for so long, the lips he’d craved a taste of ever since he’d discovered how guys made him feel. He was moving before he even knew what he was doing, his body acting separately from his mind, until his lips found a home on Eddie’s.</p><p> </p><p>And then he was kissing him.</p><p> </p><p>He was kissing Eddie.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Richie was kissing him.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s eyes went wide in disbelief before he melted into Richie, his body practically collapsing into Richie’s, eyes fluttering shut. Richie’s lips were soft, almost like he was trying to breathe in Eddie like he was his own personal oxygen, and he tasted like cigarette smoke and vaguely of caramel.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie parted his lips ever so slightly and Richie’s behaviour changed entirely, going from soft and sweet, to aggressive and <em>desperate</em>. His hands sliding from Eddie’s face down to his waist, thumbs digging into his hipbones and pushing him into the wall, his tongue exploring the inside of Eddie’s mouth. Richie kissed him hard, seeming to want more and more, pressing himself into Eddie just to get closer to him, as if he’d waited so long for this that now it was happening he needed as much as he could possibly get. Eddie kissed him back just as hard, to a point where he couldn’t breathe, and as much as he didn’t want to, he had to pull away.</p><p> </p><p>Richie stared, panting, his hands still pressed against Eddie’s hips, “You okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Richie was so close to him, breath warm with Eddie’s, noses touching. Eddie brought his bottom lip into his mouth and bit down. He couldn’t even nod his head without it hitting against Richie’s, so he went to say that, yes, god yes, he was more than okay.</p><p> </p><p>“Eddie!” It was his mom, back from the shops,  “Sweetie, come and help me.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie went into full panic mode, shoving Richie off him and towards the window in which he’d come through. He was going to throw up he was sure, he could feel the panic turning into vile and making its way from his stomach into his throat.</p><p> </p><p>Richie pushed against him, “Woah, woah. Calm down.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie glared at him, “Calm down? Calm down?! Get out,” He threw Richie towards the window, “now!”</p><p> </p><p>Richie didn’t budge, “Eddie, we need to talk about this.”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Eddie blurted the word before thinking. “You need to leave.” He stopped trying to push Richie, instead, meeting Richie’s eyes and silently pleading with him to get out. A flash of hurt crossed Richie’s eyes, drowning them in an even darker shade of brown and without saying anything, he turned his back on Eddie, climbing out the window. Eddie slammed it shut behind him, retreating deeper inside his room, taking a shaky breath.</p><p> </p><p>“Eddie, get out here.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie tried to calm his shaking, ease his breathing, but it wasn’t at all successful, his eyes beginning to fill with water. He shoved his palms into his eyelids, wiping the tears dry. Why the fuck was he crying? He was so sick of crying, so sick of shaking, so sick of the fear, of it controlling him, but he didn’t know how to stop it.</p><p> </p><p>He yanked the door open and walked into the kitchen, where his mom was unpacking groceries, upon his entrance she looked up, “Sweetie, what’s wrong? What was all that noise?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie opened a bag, emptying its contents, “I fell.”</p><p> </p><p>Sonia turned to him, “How? Let me see? Does it hurt?” Eddie just shook his head, “God, Eddie, how could you be so careless? You know how delicate you are. Go rest it.”</p><p> </p><p>He nodded, walking around her and returning to his room and collapsing onto his bed, breaking down entirely.</p><p> </p><p>Richie had kissed him, desperately and passionately, without warning, and, without thinking, Eddie had kissed him back but what did that mean. Eddie still wasn’t allowed to prom, especially if he told Sonia that it was Richie he was going with, and this town, this godforsaken town wouldn’t let them be. The number one question he had still, was why <em>had</em> Richie kissed him? In what world did Richie Tozier want to kiss him?</p><p> </p><p>Eddie should have asked him, instead of shoving him out the window, but that fear had taken over, terrified his mom would come in and see them, more afraid that she would see Richie and keep Eddie from ever even being near him again. He wanted to go to prom, with Richie, he wanted to tell Richie how he felt, wanted to apologize for how he’d been acting, he wanted to see Richie, to be with Richie. He just wanted Richie, no matter what.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie buried his head in his pillow and let the tears soak through the fabric.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Eddie was only meant to be away from school for a couple of days, a punishment for not coming home for a night and then showing up with Richie the next morning, but Sonia decided to keep him home for the week after he ‘fell’ claiming that if he fell again he could break something. Eddie didn’t protest, too tired to even think of an argument, he hadn’t gotten a single second of sleep since that Monday afternoon.</p><p> </p><p>The losers came to visit him, he heard Bev and Ben on Tuesday afternoon at the door but his mom turned them away, explaining that he was amid a punishment and that they’d see him at school next week. Bev didn’t seem to listen to that part because she came by the very next morning, by herself this time, and once again asked politely if she ‘could please see Eddie, ma’am’ and again Sonia turned her away not even offering an explanation as to why. Eddie was the one to answer the door on Wednesday afternoon, Mike, Bill and Stan standing on the doorstep, smiles growing when they saw it was Eddie behind the door, Stan commenting, “You are alive, Richie wasn’t lying.” The name felt like a punch in the gut, his insides flipping over themselves, still, he smiled back at them, going as far to offer a small chuckle. His mom arrived at the door then, pulling it wider and telling the two boys to “Hurry home, Eddie is injured and trying to rest.” They shuffled down the stairs, muttering a goodbye to Eddie and Sonia told him to go back to his room. No one came by on the Thursday or Friday, and by Saturday Eddie was beginning to think the losers had all given up, but it was after dinner that there was a knock on his door. Eddie, for some ridiculous reason, almost expected it to be Richie on the other side of the door, big glasses, big Hawaiian shirt, big grin; after all, Richie was the only loser that hadn’t come by since Monday and other than the family holiday Richie went on once a year, this was the longest Eddie had gone without seeing him.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t Richie, instead, when Eddie pulled his door open, Bill Denbrough was there, smiling.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie tried to hide his disappointment, of course Bill was the only one his mother had let in the house, “Hey.” He gestured for Bill to come in, leaving the door ajar behind him.</p><p> </p><p>“H-hey man. How’ve you b-been?” Bill sat in Eddie’s desk chair, looking up at Eddie with a sweet but slightly worried expression.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie leant against the wall, “Yeah, good. I mean, could be better but I’ll be back at school on Monday.” He grinned, “Hopefully.”</p><p> </p><p>Some of the worry from Bill’s eyes drained away, “That’s good to h-hear.” He looked at Eddie silently for a second and then perked up, “Oh, I w-wanted to thank you for th-the b-book you got me. I-it was really good.”</p><p> </p><p>A rush of happiness flowed through Eddie, “You finished it?” He raised his eyebrows, “Already?”</p><p> </p><p>Bill nodded enthusiastically.</p><p> </p><p>It was silent again for a minute, Eddie unsure of what to say, there was really only one thing on his mind.</p><p> </p><p>“How’s Richie?”</p><p> </p><p>Bill was unfazed by the question, attention turned to something on Eddie’s desk, “Y-yeah he’s good. Little q-quieter than usual. Seems k-k-kinda on edge.”</p><p> </p><p><em>On edge?</em> “On edge?” Eddie frowned.</p><p> </p><p>“Y-yeah,” Bill gave him a quick glance, “h-he yelled at some t-teacher. Al-almost picked a f-f-fight with Patrick Hockstetter.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? Why? Why would he do that?” Eddie was pacing his room now, heart beating fast in stress.</p><p> </p><p>Bill snorted, “Cause he’s a dumbass idiot.” Eddie forced a laugh out, “Nah, P-pa-Patrick was picking on some kid, c-c-calling him a qu-queer.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie didn’t think his next words through, “Why didn’t he go through with it?”</p><p> </p><p>Bill turned in the chair completely, staring at Eddie, frowning, “Ca-cause we stopped h-him.” Eddie didn’t say anything, Bill stood up and went to hug him, “Yuh-you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie nodded against Bill’s shoulder, the hug refreshingly comforting and warm, he was more than glad Bill was here, and that all-or almost all-the losers had checked in with him, he felt incredibly supported, and that perhaps, if he did one day defy his mother’s orders, they’re support would be all he needed. He pulled back from Bill and smiled, “I just need some sleep. Thank you for stopping by, I appreciate it, really.”</p><p> </p><p>Bill seemed hesitant, but he nodded, “Oh-of course. I-I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“See you.” Eddie shut his door gently, settling into the chair by his desk, pulling out a piece of paper and a pen. He placed the pen at the top of the page,</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dear Richie, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>he wrote, and he wrote until he filled three pages, until he had nothing else left to write and when he got into bed that night, he finally got some sleep.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Eddie slept through the whole of Sunday, his body clearly needing to catch up on the sleep he’d been missing for the past six nights. His mom only woke him for dinner, saying she was glad he was resting so well, and then he went right back to sleep again so that when he woke for school on Monday, he was refreshed and feeling more confident than ever.</p><p> </p><p>He was going to tell Richie exactly how he felt, exactly what he wanted, just as he had written it all down, and that he was going to prom, with Richie, if he’d still have him. Eddie had almost forgotten that prom was in just two days now, the past three weeks having flown by, but he would talk to Richie and they would go to prom, together.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie didn’t think too much of it when he didn’t see Richie that morning, but by the time lunch rolled around and he wasn’t sat at the table with the rest of the losers, Eddie began to feel a pain in his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Richie?” He asked and they all seemed to avoid his gaze, all except Bev.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s at home.” She held Eddie’s gaze firmly, “Said he doesn’t want to see certain people right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s heart dropped into his stomach, face burning in sadness and anger and <em>embarrassment</em>. Bev knew what had happened between him and Richie, he looked around at his other friends, who else knew? And Bev was mad at him, mad on behalf of Richie, which meant Richie must’ve been really hurt, Eddie had hurt him enough for Richie to tell Bev and for her to be pissed at how Eddie had treated him.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie stayed silent for the rest of lunch, eyes looking down at the food, barely eating any of it, having lost his appetite entirely, but when the bell shrilled for next period, he ran after Beverly, grabbing her arm and pulling her to the side.</p><p> </p><p>“What did he say to you?” Eddie kept his voice as quiet as possible.</p><p> </p><p>Bev crossed her arms, and, not lowering her voice at all, “Who?” Feigning ignorance.</p><p> </p><p>He rolled his eyes, and sighed, “What did Richie say to you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Everything, Eddie,” Bev narrowed her eyes at him, “he told me everything. How could you do that to him?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie frowned, “What? What do you mean?” Bev stared back at him for a second, mouth dropping open slightly. “I was scared. Terrified” He stammered, “But I didn’t mean to hurt him, that’s not what I wanted, at all.” He dropped his head.</p><p> </p><p>Bev sighed, “I know, Eddie, I know.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie looked at her, confused, “What?” Although, he knew exactly what she meant, so what he should have asked was ‘how?’</p><p> </p><p>She ignored his question, “Look, he thinks you don’t want to go to prom with him.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I do!” Eddie blurted, much too loud, two girls walking by gave him a weird look.</p><p> </p><p>“I know. But he doesn’t.” Bev stepped out of the corner, “You just gotta talk to him, Eddie, that’s all you need to do. Apologise, clear the air.” She gave him a pointed look, “Tell him how you feel.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie slammed his mouth shut to stop himself from calling after her, too many questions on the tip of his tongue. How did she know? When did she figure it out? What had given him away? Who else knew? Why hadn’t she mentioned it before? Why hadn’t she simply told Richie?</p><p> </p><p>He turned on his heels, making his way to English, spending the rest of the day staring at the clock, waiting for school do end and trying to work out exactly what he’d say to Richie, and how.</p><p> </p><p>When that stupid hand finally hit 3 and the bell shrilled for the end of the day, Eddie couldn’t get out to his bike fast enough, cycling in double time.</p><p> </p><p>He dumped his bike on the sidewalk of the Tozier’s house, hopping off the bike before it’d even stopped, taking the deepest breath he’d ever taken before knocking on the door.</p><p> </p><p>There was a minute before the door opened where Eddie could hear the click of some heels before a rumbling of someone hurling down the stairs, Richie’s voice yelling, “I’ll get it, Mom, I’ll get it.” Finally, the door swung open.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s breath caught, heart stopping.</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t seen Richie in so long, too long, that he had almost forgotten the subtle qualities you could only ever notice in person that made Richie so breathtakingly beautiful. What sliced his heart in half was the smile that normally doubled in size upon seeing Eddie, dropped completely.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not who I was expecting.” Richie said distastefully.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie tried to ignore the ache in his chest, “Who were you expecting?”</p><p> </p><p>Richie scowled, something Eddie less than rarely saw Richie do, “Does it matter? What are you doing here Eddie?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie wanted to tell him to call him Eds, it would make him so much more comfortable, less nauseous if Richie just called him Eds. He kept his eyes locked on Richie insistently, “I’m here to tell you how I feel.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie raises his eyebrows, not saying anything, but Eddie didn’t get the point, and Richie scoffed, “And how do you feel?”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie couldn’t breathe, the beginning of a panic attack, but if he could just manage to get out the next few words, he was sure all the panic he’d ever felt would be released. “I love you, Richie.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie didn’t move, expression unchanged, not even flinching, and Eddie realised he had said those word to Richie a thousand times before.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie cleared his mind, pictured the words he was about to say and in the most sincere voice breathed out, “I’m <em>in</em> love with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie’s eyes went wide and then softened entirely, his expression somewhere between shock, happiness and relief. He took a step forward, outside the house, the door slamming behind him. Eddie nearly jumped at the sound, he didn’t know if he was meant to say something at this point, he was expecting Richie to respond to what he’d said. With words.</p><p> </p><p>But he didn’t, he seemed like he was expecting Eddie to continue, to say more.</p><p> </p><p>So Eddie did, clearing his throat, “I-I love you. More than anything, more than I can process, more than I can handle. So much more than I can even understand.” He paused to catch his breath, “It’s a lot, all the time. It’s overwhelming and it’s, it’s really hard because I don’t know what to do with it and it scares me, Rich It scares the fuck out of me. And I wish it didn’t, but it does.” Eddie felt like he was crying, “And I want to go to prom with you, I want to dance with you, I want to hold your hand and I really want to kiss you, like all the time. I want everything, all of it, with you. I want you. You’re the only one I want.”</p><p> </p><p>Richie stared at him, mouth open in a slight O, eyes smiling at him, brighter and happier than Eddie had ever seen them.</p><p> </p><p>“Eds.” His voice was rough.</p><p> </p><p>The kiss that followed was the opposite, soft and delicate. That taste of cigarettes and caramel was still there and Eddie wondered for a moment if that was how Richie would always taste. This kiss was different from the one in Eddie’s room, slower, the feeling that Richie was taking his time, savouring the moment.</p><p> </p><p>When Richie finally pulled his lips from Eddie’s, he looked into his eyes, face still barely an inch away and whispered, “I’m in love with you too.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie’s heart danced and he suddenly forgot that they were standing outside, where anyone could see them, or perhaps he simply did not care, for he kissed Richie.</p><p> </p><p>He smashed his lips against Richie’s, teeth hitting each other because of their grins but Eddie was happy and it felt <em>good</em>. </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Richie stopped before the door, fixing his suit, straightening his back and shoulders to stand as tall as he could. He checked his pocket for quite possibly the tenth time and then knocked twice, confidently.</p><p> </p><p>Sonia Kaspbrak answered the door, horrified by the sight that greeted her, but Richie plastered on his most polite smile, “Good evening, Mrs K. I’m here to pick up Eddie.”</p><p> </p><p>She gave him a look of complete disgust that Richie thought she might throw up right there and then, she opened her mouth, ready to tell Richie to get off her porch, to get off her property and stay away from her precious boy. But Eddie was at the door, beside her, before she could get any of the words out.</p><p> </p><p>Richie couldn’t have stopped himself from staring if he wanted to. Eddie was beautiful, handsome, hair combed neatly, suit fitting perfectly, the lilac pocket square sticking out against the white shirt. His smile, full and sweet. Ever since Eddie had told Richie he loved him, Richie had noticed that Eddie’s smile was bigger and seemed freer. Richie adored it.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodbye Mom, I’ll be back after 10.” Eddie gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and then turned to face Richie, that wide smile growing.</p><p> </p><p>The door slammed behind them and they made their way to Richie’s truck in silence, the moment the car doors closing, a sense of safety enclosing around them, Richie grabbed Eddie’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Eds, I have something for you.” He began, voice almost a whisper.</p><p> </p><p>“It better be a corsage.” Eddie raised his eyebrows, voice clear and loud.</p><p> </p><p>Richie laughed, “I have one, of course. I’ll give it to you when we get there.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then what is it?” Eddie hummed, the smile never dropping even the tiniest bit.</p><p> </p><p>Richie reached into his pocket, bringing the box into the air and opening it, revealing the thin silver ring inside.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie gasped, “What the fuck, Richie?”</p><p> </p><p>Richie barely kept his laugh contained, “It’s a promise ring. Calm down.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie sighed, his breath reaching Richie’s face and offered his hand out. Richie took it in one hand and delicately pushing the ring onto Eddie’s finger.</p><p> </p><p>“I promise myself to you. To love you forever, no matter what.” Richie gazed into Eddie’s eyes, leaning down to kiss Eddie’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe it took me so long to tell you how I feel.” Eddie’s voice sounded too sad,</p><p> </p><p>Richie grazed Eddie’s cheek and in a deadpan voice said, “Yeah, that was really shitty of you.”</p><p> </p><p>Eddie broke into laughter, the sound a melodic song to Richie’s ears and he closed the distance between him and Eddie.</p><p> </p><p>“To prom!” Eddie exclaimed when they broke apart.</p><p> </p><p>Richie grinned, pulling from the curb, a warm feeling in his chest, calm and yet excited. He was at peace. “To prom.”</p>
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